Getting out of my Nation

Posted by Freelyx on Jun 15th, 2009 | no comments home title

Well, I can't say I haven't gotten a "round tuit" anymore.

getting to the now from Procrasti

Procrasti-Nation that is. Its where I seem to live perpetually according to Val, and I have to say, if there is something I don’t really want to do, I’m really good at finding reasons not to do it. Thus I am not writing this so much for everyone else’s benefit as it is mine. Not that you might not get something out of it as well.

Setting goals and making plans that get us to those goals isn’t always enough. Getting out of my own way and putting my mind to actually doing something is what I need to do. Yesterday Val and I took pictures of my weight bench and placed an add on Craigslist to try and sell it. She took the pictures and wrote the add, I just gave her the information regarding the bench and moved furniture around to let her get the pictures. I really do want to get rid of the old life and start a new one. My heart is there, but my mind is still looking at all the work between us and the goal. Therein lies quite a bit of my problem I think. I dream big, I see what could be and reach for it, but then the work to get there rears its ugly head and I hear that familiar groan in the back of my skull that tells me I could be playing the computer game. Or if something like the bench, which sold this afternoon, works out, the dream shines and I look at it and then a bit of that money runs through my fingers like trying to hold sand.

As if proof was needed:

Today we decided to stay home and not spend any money. We ate a frozen pizza from the freezer, and played around on the computers. We let the ferrets out and watched some TV… that’s where I let it all go bad. I bought a pay per view, then after the pizza, my sweet tooth acted up, so Val let me go buy some doughnuts.. on the way home from the Shipleys, I stopped at Sonic and bought a couple of their Blizzards for us too. It wasn’t until I got home and had eaten the sweets that sense kicked in and I knew I had wasted money that could have helped us get debt free and moved. I’m a pretty weak willed shopper. Impulse buys are big for me. I see something I want, and I let it gnaw at me for a while, then I just go buy it. It’s how I got myself into all the trouble with Harley-Davidson too.

The FIX is?!:

So how can I fix this? What do I need to do to become a more responsible goal seeker? Does that make me a goalee? Well trying to get the things done that I need to accomplish needs to be something I can break into smaller bites. That old adage about ‘biting off more than you can chew’, yeah, that’s how I usually feel. So to break the larger goal of getting moved and into a better life, we broke it into several smaller parts;

Begin getting out of debt.

Begin searching areas we would like to live.

Begin studying what things about our life we have the power to improve and plan to make the necessary changes.

Debt free:

So the debt issue is several parts already. We are selling everything we own to use monies gained from those sales to pay off the debt. We are using the snowball theory, the one that says pay off the accessible debts first, then take the money you were using for those debts and add it to the next one you want to get rid of, then take the money from both of those and go after the next. and so on and so on. Thus you build the amount of money you are able to use to pay your debts off, thus you are able to pay off the larger less reachable debts. Looks good on paper, but not a lot of fun, thus the hesitation, leading to the procrastination.

Where to now?!:

Next is the searching for the places we want to go live. I like to travel, that part already seems fun. But there is a down side. I see hundreds upon thousands of options of where to go. That and every step we take towards the day we move is a step taken away from the familiar stomping grounds. Not to mention my family and friends that all live here. So how do I break the mental blockade that’s telling me to stay here? As much as I dislike the monotony, it is a structured and secure feeling to know what your schedule is every day. Its nice to know you have friends and family to fall back on. So cutting the strings and getting away from that safety net… hesitation leading to procrastination.

This cocoon is kinda tight:

The last thing is when we move the job changes, the things in my home that held that air of familiar will be gone, sold, somebody else will be building an air of familiar. People I don’t yet know in a place I don’t know, leaving the job, friends, and acquaintances here that I do know how to deal with. Valerie already did all this once, she dropped her entire life in California and moved out here to Texas to be with me. She jokingly claims that her doing that proves she loves me more. Well its a sorta joke. That is a joke on the surface with that underlain truth implied. Her coming here to live with me made me fall that much deeper in love with her too, though. And the great changes and support she has given me in my life and all the times she has had to stand by me while I pick myself up out of what ever new life hurdle has knocked my proverbial butt in the dirt, well it reaffirms that love for me every time.

So all the hesitation can be divided up into two categories really;

My desire to stay in the “familiar”.

My desire to keep things in life “Easy going”.

Reaction to action:

Knowing all this doesn’t really help me do anything about it. That’s going to just have to come from the dream that things can and will be better. I get to keep Valerie, and there is something familiar to hang onto. And she is a great organizer and able to sometimes show me the smaller parts of the big picture to keep it in an “easy going” prospective i suppose. But then a lot of that implies there would be no plan without her, that she is the linchpin or keystone for our foundation. That doesn’t work for me. I need to take more ownership in the problems and the solutions that we as a couple are trying to get through.

So I have decided I am moving out of the nation! The procrasti-Nation. The first steps have been taken, now I guess I just need to do it. Any thoughts suggestions, or extra support appreciated.